we have officially lost it.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I am naked and annoyed.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
