He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
