If i come over, it means nothing
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
