Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
