My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
