turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
