I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
