She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
