I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
