it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
