So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
