i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize