Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
