You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
