dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
