So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize