areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
