I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I could make wine with my vomit
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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