My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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