we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize