ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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