She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So apparently I’m into choking now
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
