Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
