I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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