I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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