Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
