I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
