She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize