Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
