Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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