not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
