I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
