i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
