And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
