im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
