if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
