Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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