Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Boobs are out for the taking
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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