Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
