Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
