I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
