Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
splinters make it hard to masturbate
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
