just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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