She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
