My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i will never coherently bang her
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
