waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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