I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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