Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
