Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
time to smoke my breakfast
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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