I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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