You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
