Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize