butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
