Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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