Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
