Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize