i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
