Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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