he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
