Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
