Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
