But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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