is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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