He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
