is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He? As in you personified your dick?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
