i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
