do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Boobs are out for the taking
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
